THE CONTINUING EXPERIENCE OF ENCHANTMENT - GET READY FOR PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE! by Dr Barbara Becker Holstein
Time continues to increase my conviction that the old adage "Practice,
practice, practice" is as necessary to experiencing a state of enchantment
as anything else. Unfortunately, I am convinced, in general, we work
much harder than we realize to stay in state of disenchantment rather
than to let ourselves enjoy moments of enchantment.
We seem to practice staying in bad mood and seeing our faults and
weaknesses rather than our strengths. Do we really feel that worry will
help a situation, rather than patiently figuring out appropriate, more
positive action? The ultimate solution is often simple, though the road
to a permanent state of well-being requires practice and continual
awareness and work.
The truth is: most of us get in the way of our good mental health.
We may experience a lonely or sad emptiness inside, suffer a sense
of disconnection from ourselves, or have repetitive occurrences of
bad moods or self-generating negative messages.
We constantly interrupt our potential for achieving positive states by
permitting fears or the counting of our woes to take away potentially
precious moments. Many of us lack a sense of comfort about being
with ourselves in our own mental space, and within our own body.
We forget how to recognize and emphasize our blessings.
My clients remind me every day of how we can get in our own way.
I remind myself too, as I strive to maintain the wonderful sense of
oneness with myself and the world that I call THE ENCHANTED SELF.
This "oneness," if examined, is a reflection of and a daring to use in
new ways suitable for the present moment, our own unique talents,
interests, potentials and individual life experiences.
More and more I realize that maintaining enchantment is not a trivial
activity. It involves more than positive self-regard, yet it has no psychic
power without the foundation of positive self-regard.
It involves more than merely meeting one's basic needs, it also involves
valuing one's basic needs. Yet it cannot be activated and maintained
without certain negotiating skills. It also involves valuing one's own
Positive Fingerprints and Shadow Prints of the mind. Positive Fingerprints
are actual memories were we have intentionally gone by and gleaned
positive feelings and/or knowledge. Shadow Prints are more vague, but
also contain within them are positive feelings and impressions from the past.
Without these unique memories and impressions that create a pathway
to building a positive self-narrative, these positive building blocks of our
uniqueness are lost to others and, more sadly, to ourselves.
We need our Positive Fingerprints and Shadow Prints of the mind so that
our present and future will be able to reflect our talents, interests and
potential. For if I deny the beauty and specialness of my own uniqueness,
I am again locked out of the real experience of enchantment.
Personal enchantment is not a group activity. It remains a private
exercise ... leading to a sense of integrity and wholeness. Only the
person herself knows if she is in a state of enchantment or disenchantment.
Here is an activity to get you started, geared to emphasizing positive self-regard.
A Play Date with Your Own Enchantment!
1. Please write down five positive comments about yourself. For example,
"You are a most courteous and helpful person." "You are always there for
me." "I can always trust you." You can make these statements in the first
person or the third person, whichever is one comfortable for you. For
example, you could state, "I'm a courageous person who tries to help
others out, even at great cost to myself." Or you could say, "You are a
most courageous person who is willing to help others out, even at great
cost to yourself."
After you have made your list of five positive remarks you'd like to hear
about yourself, put this piece of paper in your wallet or pocketbook. Read
it to yourself at least once a day for one week. You may think of other
positive statements you'd like to add, or you may get tired of certain ones
and delete them. That's fine. Just keep the number around five.
2. After a week, answer the following questions:
(a) How did you feel reading these remarks?
(b) Were there remarks you wished you could have made but honestly
felt you didn't deserve? If so, what do you think are some of the things
you might need to work on before you can legitimately make a particular
statement? Jot down some of those things. Try to be objective. Is your
list realistic? Too perfectionistic? If it is perfectionistic, try to make it
more realistic. Remember that incorporating positive self-regard requires
practice and repetition just as incorporating negative self-statements
required repetition. If you find this exercise uncomfortable at this time,
return to it later.
*This article--with minor changes throughout--came from my book,
THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy. The body of the
article can be found on pages 184-l85 and the exercise on page 104.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®,
invites you to view the new line of THE ENCHANTED WOMAN products,
downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com.
Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join.
Order your copy of THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy
and RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!
at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm.
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The Continuing Experience of Enchantment - Get Ready for Practice, Practice, Practice!
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