SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC,
So you want to have a successful marriage?
Sure, we all do. But statistics tell us that the
chances are pretty good that you'll fail. And the
fact is that many married folks aren't willing to
do the things necessary to have a successful
relationship.
What are the essential qualities of a successful
relationship that will stand the test of time?
1. Be a Blame-Free Zone
An interesting thing happens when you blame your
spouse. You actually get more of the very behavior
that you say you dislike. When I blame my wife,
she's quite aware that I'm blaming her. What does
she naturally do? She blames me back!
I see her as the problem, and she sees me the same
way. All over the country, there are couples
blaming each other and feeling justified in doing
it. Sadly, millions feel that being "right" is
more important than the health of their marriage.
Blaming your spouse has never worked and never
will. There are certainly times that you can be
angry with your spouse, but carrying around blame
and resentment will kill your chances for
long-term success.
2. Commitment as a daily ritual
Commitment can't just be a word you used on your
wedding day. Commitment can be the use of specific
acts that are done on a daily basis. Commitment
can be an enthusiastic welcome at the door every
night, daily acknowledgements, or spending free
time with your spouse.
Commitment is shown in everyday acts that are
repeated over and over. When these acts are
forgotten or neglected, they need to be re-visited
and started again. Bored? Then do it differently,
change the ritual, or just get over it! Your
boredom often speaks to your inability to find
depth and meaning in everyday life-and your
ability to handle a long-term relationship.
3. Use the "Five to One Rule"
For every scornful look, sarcastic comment, or
criticism, there should be five positive acts
or interactions--a hug, a wink, or a compliment.
In the research for his book "Why Marriages
Succeed or Fail," John Gottman Ph.D. found that if
there were at least five positive acts for every
negative one, the marriage was very likely to
succeed. In fact, it didn't matter if the negative
interactions were quite hostile, as long as the
positive interactions took place.
Successful marriages need a steady dose of kind
acts and thoughts. When you provide these to your
spouse, your capacity for kindness grows along
with it.
So take stock of your marriage. Are there any
aspects that you'd like to change?
A little knowledge and a little effort can go a
long way.
------------------------
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the
author of "Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less"
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/saveyourmarriage.htm" target="www.markbrandenburg.com/saveyourmarriage.htm">http://www.markbrandenburg.com/saveyourmarriage.htm
Sign up for his free newsletter, "Dads Don't Fix
Your Kids," at http://www.markbrandenburg.com for
great articles and tips for fathers, and get the
free article, "150 Things Fathers Can do for Their
Kids."
More articles on PARENTING
Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers
Hope for Overwhelmed Fathers
Fathers, Tell your Stories
Top Ten Ways to Teach Values to Your Kids
Nurturing Fathers
I Yelled at My Kids
I'm Walking in the Door Stressed!
Give Your Kids the 'N' Word
Successful Marriages
Memory Planning: The Art of Documenting Your Family Vacation
Smooth Transitions: Help Your Child Make the Move FAST!
Be a Back-to-School Hero!
Seeds to Grow On: An Easy Gift for Back-to-School
Who Are You Listening To? Paying Attention to the Voices That Bombard Women Today
Be a Better Mom!
245
|
|
|
|
