PARENTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE SMALL CHILDREN by Margaret Paul, PhD
There's no doubt about it - parenting small children takes a lot of
time. So much time that it's very easy to forget about your child
within. Yet you cannot be a really good parent while forgetting
about your own feelings, needs and well-being.
Haven't you noticed that if you do not take care of yourself by
having enough time for yourself you are much more irritable with
your mate and children? Whether your job is being with your
children all day, or you work out of the home all day, or you work
in your home and tend to your children all day - you need some
time for yourself.
When my children were small it was challenging to find the time
for myself. I worked at home, tended to my children, and had very
little money for household help. Yet if I didn't have time to myself
to read, take a bath, do creative stuff or just stare at a flower, I
had a hard time being a patient, loving and fun mom.
What I did at that time is seek out adolescents who loved playing
with little kids. I hired them (for not a lot of money - they were
delighted to earn a little spending money and get to play with
children as well) to play with my kids while I was in the house
taking time for myself. After an hour or so of restful or creative
time, I was filled up enough within to be able to give to my
children. When I didn't take this time, my own Inner Child would
feel unloved, unimportant and resentful.
A part of good parenting is letting your children know that their
needs are neither more nor less important than yours. In the
past, children were supposed to be seen and not heard and
were given the message that adults were more important than
children. In more recent times, many children are given the
message that their needs and feelings are more important than
adults' needs. Neither message is based on the truth of the
equality of each soul. For children to understand this equality,
parents need to role model loving their children and loving
themselves - not one at the expense of the other. If children are
taught that adults are more important then children, the children
learn to be caretakers, putting themselves aside in deference to
others. If children are taught that children are more important
than adults, they learn to be brats, demanding attention and not
caring about others. This is just one of the reasons why it is so
important for parents to take responsibility for caring about
themselves - for lovingly parenting the child within.
It might be helpful to imagine that you have an actual child that
lives inside you. You are the mom and dad for this child. You are
the only one who can feel and hear this child's needs and who
can take action on behalf of this child. You already know what
happens if you ignore the needs of your actual children. In some
way or another, they will act out until they get the love and
attention they need. The same is true for your Inner Child. Our
Inner Child, which is our feeling self, can even cause us to be
sick if we don't pay attention to him or her. Your Inner Child lets
you know when you are not being loving to him or her with
anxiety, stress, anger, or resentment. When you are feeling
these feelings, instead of looking outside yourself for the cause,
look at whether or not you are lovingly parenting yourself. It is one
of the best things you can do for you and for your children. (For
help in self-parenting through the Inner Bonding process, See
our FREE Course at http://www.innerbonding.com" target="www.innerbonding.com">http://www.innerbonding.com).
============================
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?",
"Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To
Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or
margaret@innerbonding.com
More articles on PARENTING
PARENTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE SMALL CHILDREN
Learning From All Our Relationships
Seeing The Souls of Your Children
Is Mothering Wearing You Out?
Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids
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