NONSENSE, FRAGMENTS, MADE UP WORDS: HEAVENLY BONUS by Julie Jordan Scott
I sat in the middle of my bed surrounded by spiral notebooks in a
variety of colors and textures. Some newer, some older, some
splotched by spilled coffee and some with pages half torn out. Each
book filled with scratching in mostly pencil.
Each spiral notebook is loved and treasured. I decided it was time
to put them in some semblance of order and simultaneously mine for
the jeweled nuggets I knew were there. Armed with post-it notes and
highlighters, paperclips and felt tips pens, I tackled the task
joyfully. The bed looked like a Spring Basket, with brightly
blooming bouquets gently unfolding with my words providing the
sunlight.
At first glance, a reader of my notebooks may see the following
cacophony of made up words and no logical order as scribed
nonsense: "Crying and bringing more and more - the beauty and the
choice-ness of it, A nice duet a different flavor. Scrawled across
the page. Today updating going through it to capture it all. Get
that bookshelf out and down. Just sometimes the best times making
food into a toy. The ramblyness is even sacred in that very
rambling. When we realize that and experience that we touch heaven."
As I revisited the notebooks, I heard the resonance of the chimes
within the words. Pulsing and rhythmic or slow or curt. In a
particularly energetic, frenetic section I heard a familiar cry
sounding like fellow poet, Jay, who sometimes calls himself "Soda
Pop". He is quite fond of the word "juggernaut". I hadn't realized
I could write like him. At times I do.
I discovered dialogue between myself and the characters which
inhabit my thoughts, leftovers from childhood and adolescence and a
heatedly resigned fight years ago about whether I needed to work at
a "real job" or not. I am no longer resigned. I don't work at
a "real job" now nor do I need to work in a conventional setting.
I found surprisingly long dissertations on the quality of this
pencil over that pencil, this sort of pen over that pen. I noted
annoyance turning to laughter about the illustrator of my notebooks -
the then preschool-aged-Emma who time and time again ignored the
books I bought for her specifically so that I could have some sacred
writing space for my practice itself. Now her little brother is
following in her footsteps. I still buy them their own notebooks and
magna doodles and anything so that my notebooks can be solely mine.
I spotted the times when I am using the pages to work through
relationship challenges and career struggles and spiritual witness.
I am able to recall moments in time that would have been lost
without the pages being a buffer in the storm which sometimes
appears on the horizon of day-to-day life.
Sometimes I picture an in-the-future biographer hungrily devouring
the words on the simple lined pages, collecting unused snippets
waiting between the lines naked and vulnerable yet also bravely
willing to be discovered, appreciated. The words echoing from the
depth of my spirit calling, asking The Future, "Do you hear me? Does
the gong sound? Does any of this mean anything more than the
etchings of number two pencils on a notebook page?"
I reclined on the stacked pillows with a notebook dated "June, 2002"
opened flat as it rested on my bent knees. The words from that
moment in time called out to the moment in time now, from the Julie-
of-that-Moment to the Julie-of-this-moment.
The light clicked on. I realized in that moment that the most
important biographer from the future was actually the one who was
writing each page, each word, each letter in the moment it was
written and the chime, the slow g-o-n-g g-o-n-g g-o-n-g quietly and
peacefully called first to my consciousness like a gentle cosmic
alarm clock requesting continual awakening.
The practice of writing nonsense, fragments, whatever strikes my
pencil's fancy: this is what is important. The commitment to the
page is a commitment to life.
The rest is a luxurious, radiant, heavenly bonus.
Each of us can receive huge rewards and an astounding bonus simply
by cultivating some sort of intentional practice which includes the
expression of our soul in a nurturing, honest manner.
Don't let anything stop you from simply and clearly expressing your
soul so that the slow, peaceful g-o-n-g sounding from your heartbeat
has a crystal clear resonant tone which everyone recognizes as
purely you.
********************************************
Julie Jordan Scott creates products and programs for writers and coaches.
A Brand New Approach to your Writing.... no matter WHAT your brand of
writing. Join the PassionCrafting Writing Festival: Put the party back
in your writing, with you and your life in the center of the celebration.
Visit http://www.5passions.com/WritingFest.html now or
email julie@5passions.com or phone 661.325.4116 with questions.
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