I'M WALKING IN THE DOOR STRESSED! by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC,
"I know of no more encouraging fact than the
unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life
by conscious endeavor."
--Henry David Thoreau
As I came through the door after a challenging day
of work, the tornado began. "Daddy's home!" My
kids wanted to share their day and their artwork,
and my wife wanted to share how difficult her day
had been.
I wanted to lie down on the couch and be left
alone.
And this same scenario is happening all over the
country with fathers (or mothers) and their
families. Families are converging on each other at
the end of the day with wildly different needs and
moods. The result can be hurt feelings and
distance between family members.
Working parents often come home filled with stress
and problems from the workplace. They're in a
"fix-it" mentality and they're looking for some
time to unwind before facing the brunt of their
families.
Your kids, however, don't care much about your
work stress. They want a father who notices them
and who's excited to see them. Every little thing
you do is noticed by your children-your facial
expression, the way you hang up your coat, and the
way you greet them. The question underlying all of
this is, "Will daddy be here for me tonight?"
As a former athlete, I remember the preparation
before competing that would put me in the right
"state" to play at the highest level.
We would visualize the game unfolding before us
and spend some quiet time increasing our ability
to relax and stay focused. When the game began, we
were ready to play, largely because we had tuned
into our bodies and created that readiness.
What kind of preparation do most of us put into
our parenting role when we come home from work at
night? Do we ready ourselves for being fully
present to our kids and our spouse? Are we
enthusiastic when we see them or are we consumed
by our own issues?
Here are five ideas for readying yourself for your
family when you come home at night:
1. Develop a ritual
It might be reading a prepared paragraph that
you've written about being ready or having a
moment of silence to help you go from work mode to
home mode. Find something that reminds you of the
daily discipline necessary to be your best when
you come home to your family.
2. Find out what your family needs from you
It's hard to know how to make things work when you
come home if you don't know what people need from
you. If you don't know, ask them! The chances are
good that they'll want to share their day with
you. While things will vary, it helps to have a
sense of how much each person needs from you after
you walk in the door.
3. Let your family know what you need
If you need to have some time for yourself, let
your family know what you need so they don't feel
left out. After your done taking your time, give
them the welcome they deserve.
4. Use the ride home as a way to unwind
Using the ride home to prepare for life at home
allows you a defined amount of time to shift from
work mode to home mode. Use some deep breathing--
with each breathe you become more relaxed and more
focused on the needs at home.
5. Remember how easily we can shift away from the
drama of work
It's easy to become overwhelmed by the emotions
and thoughts that are produced from our jobs. The
truth is that we can shift our thoughts and
feelings away from work quite readily if we
practice it. Work can be overwhelming, our
reactions to it don't have to be. You bring home a
message every night-"what's truly important in my
life?" Your kids will get this message loud and
clear.
--------------------------------
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of "25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers"
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm" target="www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm">http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm
Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, Dads,
Don't Fix Your Kids, at
http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
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