GIVE YOUR KIDS THE 'N' WORD by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC,
What's your main purpose as a father?
Isn't it to prepare your kids to be happy,
healthy, successful people in their own lives?
What's the best way to do this?
One effective method of preparing them for their
own lives is to give them a heavy dose of the word
that not enough kids are getting today. That word
is the "N" word, or the word no.
We all deal with a certain amount of frustration
in our everyday adult lives. We are frustrated at
our jobs, in our relationships, and by
circumstances that we have no control over. Over
time we learn to handle frustration better and to
turn it into challenges and opportunities that we
work through.
People who can handle frustration successfully
tend to have happier and more successful lives.
They learn to be resilient and to appreciate what
they've accomplished and what they've received.
How about your kids?
Are your kids being frustrated enough? Are there
high enough expectations being placed on them? Are
you saying no enough and are you allowing them to
have opportunities to be frustrated and to work
through it?
There are a lot of kids today receiving boatloads
of gifts and gadgets from their parents who aren't
being given many responsibilities within their
families.
If you're not allowing your kids to be exposed
to responsibility and frustration, and if you're not
liberally giving out the N word to them, you may
be creating monsters within the confines of your
home.
Many parents have gone through hard times in their
lives and naturally want to spare their children
the same fate that they experienced. They have a
very difficult time seeing their children
struggling and allowing them to deal with it.
The result of this choice is that many children
today get almost everything they want in terms of
clothes, electronic gadgets, toys etc. The amount
of stuff they receive and the new products that
they want keep growing every year.
Try comparing what your children get in terms of
their most wanted items to what you get in your
life. Is it a close comparison?
It's clear that many parents are preparing their
kids for a life that's out of touch with the real
world. The same kids who have so many material
possessions often don't appreciate or take care of
what they do have. Why should they? There will
probably be more goodies coming soon.
Fathers who say no to their kids on a fairly
regular basis take a big step towards ensuring
that their kids are happy, responsible, and
successful.
Here are some specific actions that dads can take:
. If you're married, consult with your wife about
what your dose of the "N" word will be. Creating a
unified front will strengthen your position and
cause fewer conflicts.
. Never do things for your children that they can
do for themselves. Allow them to be frustrated and
to learn to be more resilient.
. Consider an allowance for your kids, even if
they're quite young, so that they can develop a
sense of responsibility with money and a sense of
taking care of their things.
. Take stock of your children's possessions. Do
they have way too many things? Are their some
things that might be better suited for Goodwill?
. Foster an environment of appreciation for the
things you have. Model this appreciation in how
you care for the things you own and how you use
them.
. Limit the number and price of the gifts your
kids receive at holidays and parties. Donate or
give away the gifts that they aren't very
interested in. Talk to your relatives and friends
if necessary about what you're trying to do.
It's difficult at times to see your kids' struggle
with the many challenges of being young and
inexperienced. Frustration is a constant companion
of kids as they learn the many skills and demands
of living their lives.
Fathers can make an extremely important choice for
themselves and their children when these
frustrating moments arise. They can see the
opportunity for their kids to learn from these
moments by having to work through these feelings.
Fathers who are really interested in the success
of their kids are motivated by doing what works
for their kids in the long run.
Fathers who are interested in having their kids
avoid pain are doing their kids a disservice.
They're more interested in being a savior than serving
their kids. The message comes in loud and clear for
them: Your dad doesn't think you can handle this.
Remember that some day your kids will figure these
things out for themselves.
And when they do, they'll thank you for allowing
them to struggle.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of "25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers"
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm" target="www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm">http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm
For more great tips and action steps for fathers,
sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, "Dads,
Don't Fix Your Kids," at
http://www.markbrandenburg.com
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