DEVELOPING YOUR CHILD'S EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE by Susan Dunn
“Developing Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence,”
by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ
Coach
You’ve heard the phrase “IQ is what gets you
through school. EQ is what gets you through life”
Well, not only is the State interested in
educating your child, but you’re probably doing
lots of enrichment activities at home. But what
have you been doing for that all-important EQ,
Emotional Intelligence? It’s a better indicator
of future success than IQ, it matters more to
health and happiness, and it can be learned.
So how would you begin?
First look to yourself. You’ve been teaching EQ
all along. Now you’re going to get conscious
about it. Every single interaction with your
child is about EQ.
Start by taking The EQ-MapŽ yourself (
http://www.essisystems.com/associates/clickthru.cgi?id=susandunn
) and work with a certified EQ coach on your
deficits. You can’t teach you child what you
don’t know.
Next, start reading to your child from The
Children’s EQ Reading List:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/listmania/list-browse/-/3ULJN28DUJCYJ/qid=1062414269/sr=5-3/ref=sr_5_3/103-1290758-0950203
. It’s designed to raise your child’s EQ.
Order the eBook, “Developing Your Child’s EQ: A
Practical How-to Guide” –
http://www.webstrategies.cc/aeqforchildren.html .
You’ll have a practical HOW-TO, step-by-step
section and instructions. You’ll also find
exercises, games, toys, books, and activities you
and your child can enjoy together, including our
own line of emotionally intelligent toys, all
based on solid scientific research.
Next, read about the Marshmallow Test (Goleman,
Ph.D.). When administered to a 4 year old it’s a
solid predictor of future success and happiness!
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Design exercises that help your child learn to wait
for things, to handle disappointment and to
persevere with a challenge. Children learn best
with “just-manageable” increments.
For instance, an age-appropriate challenge for
your 4-year-old might be dressing herself in
themorning (before she gets breakfast). Show and
train for cause and effect – she does something
and something else happens. This is Personal
Power!
What toys will help your child increase her EQ? I
should let you know upfront I’m the tin can and
cardboard box type of Nana. With EQ it’s all
“around” the toy, not what the toy is so much.
You could bake together, or have a conversation
and teach/learn more, especially if the TV is
TURNED OFF.
I think the Brainy Baby Videos, Left and Right
Brain, and Children of the World Sewing Cards from
GeniusBabies are great:
http://store2.yimg.com/I/genius-babies_1758_22082324
. Also their Band-in-a-Box:
http://store.yahoo.com/genius-babies/band-in-a-box.html
.
I’m also quite serious about the cardboard box.
Also have around a pan and metal spoon for
drumming, paper for making airplanes, always
construction paper, scissors, glue, markers and
pens. A sandbox. A large supply of something
group-oriented, like legos or Lincoln logs.
My “Learn EQ One-Day-at-a-Time Picture Calendar
for Children” is multi-level learning, as are all
toys I recommend. Your child will learn the
concept of a page a day—time, and also a tip,
graphically illustrated, about emotions.
Our Gardening Kit which includes child-sized
tools, apron, seeds and watering can.
http://www.susandunn.cc/child's_emotional_intelligence.htm
. Borrowing from the Montessori method, I agree
that children love “work” and consider it “play.”
Any time you can find child-sized tools similar to
what you use, they’ll enjoy it – a small broom and
dust pan, for instance, or a child-sized tray for
carrying dishes away from the table.
Be sure and preserve the dignity of the occasion.
Children have great dignity and we so often
affront it. They know a plastic yellow and red
fake wheelbarrow is not a real tool, for real
work, like Dad has. Look around for tools which
honor a child’s desire to do what Mom and Dad do.
Check my website from time-to-time as I’m always
on the lookout. Also challenge your child to
create what they need, i.e., “What could we use
for a dustpan to pick up this dirt?” Maybe
they’ll come up with a piece of cardboard, or a
spatula.
I think every child should have the chance to
learn to read holistically. While reading is
generally taught phonetically in school, a
right-brained child can have real trouble with
that method. Try the Language Discovery Flash
Cards:
http://store.yahoo.com/genius-babies/babwebflasca.html
. They work well whichever brain “orientation”
your child has, and can be a lifesaver for the
right-brained child.
Every child should have the chance to learn
another language. That’s what makes us realize
our own language. GeniusBabies has great “First
1000 Words in ___” series – Russian, German,
French, Spanish, Japenese and Italian. Go here:
http://store.yahoo.com/genius-babies/fi10woru.html
.
Provide costumes, hats, shoes, gloves, helmets,
etc. for imagination play. You don’t have to buy
a costume, but there are some good ones here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000696P4/susandunnmome-20
. This one, Cinderella, for instance, when your
daughter is playing in that costume you’ll learn a
lot of things about how they feel because of the
fairytale itself. Be listening!
Emotional Intelligence starts with self-awareness,
and the ability to express emotion. A great way
to foster this is to get your child the EQ
t-shirt:
http://www.susandunn.cc/child's_emotional_intelligence.htm
. It’s says “I’m learning EQ. R U?” so it’s a
conversation-starter, which is what EQ is all
about. And as you listen to your child reply to
the person who asks, “What’s EQ?” you’ll see what
kind of progress you’re making and if your child
is like my little buddies, they’ll come up with
some great descriptions which will help your
understanding.
There are lots of activities in my eBook. Here’s
one example, an Emotional Expression Exercise.
Identify and label your child’s feelings as they
occur in her and in others, including yourself.
Use basic words such as angry, sad, happy and
tired. Add nuances as the months go by –
petulant, enraged, livid, seething, ecstatic,
annoyed … it’s a win-win. Your child has a great
EQ and also does well on the Verbal SAT.
Also actively teach your child about “nonverbal.”
When another child is pouting, or stomping her
feet, or kicking the furniture, say, “Look, Miguel
is angry. He’s stomping his foot.” When you’re
tired and you sigh, say, “I sigh when I’m tired.
When I’m tired, I need to rest.”
Most of all, make feelings welcome in your house.
All feelings.
------------------------
Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc is the author of “Develop
Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence,” and other
eBooks on EQ,
http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
She offers individual, team and executive
coaching, distance learning, and seminars. EQ
matters more than IQ and it can be learned. We
teach it! Call 210-496-0678.
sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZine.
More articles on EMOTIONAL-INTELLIGENCE
An Interview with an EQ Expert about Autism and Male Intelligence
Developing Your Child's Emotional Intelligence
Team Learning And Emotional Intelligence
How Do You Know What Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence) Is?
How to Increase Your Child's Emotional Intelligence?
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