BEING ASSERTIVE CAN BE SPIRITUAL by Fran Hafey
Being assertive in this day and age is usually the second choice
after being polite. I have seen it many times when people would
rather not make waves or are just being nice, rather than saying
what they really mean or the extreme opposite where people go our
of their way to be nasty.
I made a deal with myself back two years ago on New Year's Eve. I
decided I would not spend my very important time doing things or
being around people that had a negative affect on me. I am the
one who chooses where I go, who I spend my time with and how I
react to others and situations.
I have had people, mainly my family, voice their opinions and
tell me that they think I am too blunt at times, but... it's all
in the pitch. I am not rude or impolite, I am just direct and
assertive about what I expect.
In the world I grew up in, I observed that people generally let
others run all over them, to be nice. Then they talk behind their
backs. Why are people afraid to say the truth? I have been told
it's because they don't want to be impolite or hurt the person's
feelings.
Ok, so I am confused. If they are afraid of saying what is truly
on their minds, then why think it in the first place? Why not say
what we truly feel and just get everything out in the open? So,
by this thinking, I am deemed overbearing, rude, critical, and
just plain not nice??
I am not a mean person and don't say things to hurt people
deliberately, but I have given my views and thoughts before when
it was not asked for. Often what I am thinking is my opinion
anyway, and it's a personal decision and everyone's right to do
what they want, act, be who they are and live the way they want
to live. We have to choose our words and thoughts carefully no
matter if we're having a bad day or just are tired of the way a
person is behaving. It truly takes a lot of personal power to
refrain from saying hateful things when someone grates our nerves
and our energy is totally different.
If all our thoughts are loving and peaceful, then what's the
problem? Well, that is not the way it is in our world. Not all
our thoughts and words we speak are loving and peaceful. I work
towards that, but I admit, I am human and I fall short of it too
sometimes.
Would you allow someone to come into your home to fix your
plumbing and just take over, or a babysitter to take care of your
children without laying down the rules and what you expect? When
we are not responsible and assertive, many times we get what we
don't want and this can cause us to feel unhappy and perplexed.
When people call on the phone and they are rude or pushy, I bite
my tongue often and count to five or ten and then I assert
myself. I tell them, I am sorry they are being rude, but there is
no need for that and that if they continue then our conversation
is over. I do not raise my voice or get nasty, I just assert
myself.
I have had people ask me if I feel that severing an acquaintance
or friendship that is not working is "not spiritual" because the
other person was negative or not acting in a very nice way.
My answer to them is "you have to do what's good for you and do
it with love. Severing something that is causing you heartache
and problems is making a choice and being assertive, there is
nothing unspiritual about that. If you tell the person this in a
nice way or just walk away for a while and let new air into the
situation, things may change, but don't feel guilty about it."
They feared that they were not acting with love, but actually
they were, in a good way, by doing what was best for the highest
good for the relationship. If that friend was meant to be a
friend, then they will come back or they will then have the
chance to change and come back to the friendship at a later time,
when they have grown in Spirit. We cannot control others and how
they act or what they say, but we can be an example and act with
love.
We can use being assertive with love everyday in many ways. When
we pay for something, we expect to get what we pay for and there
is nothing wrong with speaking up and saying so. The time is here
when we need to be standing up for ourselves not only as humans,
but, as citizens and Spiritual beings.
We do not have to take others polluting our home, trashing our
earth, being rude, bad examples, teaching our children things we
don't want them to know, bad television, violence, and hypocrisy
as a way of life.
We can stand up for our rights and our freedom of choice and
well, if we don't like something... be assertive with love, in a
loving, peaceful way and you might be very surprised of the
outcome.
Copyright: Mystickblue (c) August, 2003 All rights reserved.
About the Author
Fran Hafey is a Spiritual Counselor, Writer, Healer and Earth
Activist
She provides guidance and inspiration via her Website, groups and
newsletter through the Internet and other Resources.
To read more of her articles visit the Author's
Website: http://Mystickblue.com or
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SpiritualPathways/join
She's currently working on publishing her own books about love,
inspiration, peace, magic and nature stories for Children of all
ages.
More articles on SPIRITUALISM
Never Say Goodbye, Just Say 'I Love You'
Being Assertive Can Be Spiritual
Spirituality is a Labor of Love
From Darkness Into the Light
The Magic of Autumn
The Gift of Peace
Loving and Taking Care of Me
Today I Missed a Friend - My Tribute to My Meeko
Taking the Leap
Care Bears are Lightworkers!
Where is the Holiday Spirit?
Past, Present and Future
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